Romantic relationships are a major cause of suffering.
Each of us experiences, through relationships, the highest joys but also the deepest sufferings: betrayal, abandonment, resentment, anger, disappointed expectations, a sense of failure...
But, in relationships, when there is suffering there cannot be true love: true Love is Unconditional. Either Love is joy and happiness, or it is not Unconditional Love.
When there is suffering, it is the “love of the ego”. What we feel in our romantic relationships, that we believe is love, is actually a tangled web of projective mechanisms of the ego: “I project my father onto you and you project your mother onto me.”
The partner is no longer seen for whom she or he is, but through the distorting mirror of parental relationships that we have internalized and that we continue to project onto them. The stronger the projection mechanism, the stronger the feelings of pain in the relationship become.
We can also change our partner, but, in reality, if we do not heal and cleanse our projective mechanisms, our partner will recite the same role, continuing to act as a mirror of our deepest scars.
For example, as a boy, if I had a controlling and “emasculating” mother, my partner will always behave with me in a similar fashion, until I heal the feminine side that I have internalized.
Only looking at myself without judgment, can I accept myself for who I am and let go of the illusion of control and “emasculation” that I have co-created in my life.
For example, as a girl, if I had a father who had behaved in a disparaging and denigrating way towards my mother, my partner will do the same with me, until I heal my sense of self-worthlessness.
Judging your partner, thinking of them as being wrong, is but a trick of the ego: “They are immature” or “selfish”, or “not reliable” or “unfaithful” or “afraid of my love”, “...”.
If you judge your partner from outside the perspective of the Oneness, separate from yourself, how can you really love them?
Use your partner as a mirror to see yourself more intimately and deeply and start to feel that you are your partner and your partner is you, beyond any judgment.
Begin to recognize and to accept yourself through them.
The recognition of love that is denied by your partner is the recognition of love that you are denying yourself.
Healing our wounds, we rebalance in order to achieve the Sacred Union of our inner feminine and masculine sides, rejoining ourselves in Love with Love.
And, after clearing our mirrors of any projecting mechanisms, having harmonized and integrated the duality of the feminine and masculine sides within ourselves, we can achieve the Sacred Union through Unconditional Love, in the joy of giving and receiving freely.
Your partner is your deepest mirror: do not expect them to change. Healing yourself, you heal your relationship. Healing yourself, you achieve the Sacred Union.
The Sacred Union is our accomplishment: finally, we realize that everything we are looking for we have already found within ourselves and that now we only have to fully express it in our lives.
Source: taken from the Book We Are Human Angels - A Crash Course for Angelic Humans by Human Angels