Self care has become very important to me. By self care I mean purposely taking the time for myself to do something that rejuvenates or energises me. It’s important stress management, it avoids burnout and overwhelm and keeps me healthy and happy. It may seem selfish but by looking after myself it gives me more energy to help others. For me self care involves rest, reading, drinking vegetable juices, coastal walks, meditating, gentle exercise and plenty of sleep. At the moment, working full time, going to college three times per week and setting up this blog doesn’t leave much ‘me’ time to do these things that I need to take care of myself. Free time is something I crave now as I know it’s necessary for my health and wellbeing.
I was getting quite worked up about not having time until listening to Hay House authors Cheryl Richardson and Suze Orman at the ‘I Can Do It!’ Hay House event in Sydney during September. They both talked about the power of no.
Self care expert, Cheryl Richardson’s view is that in order to enact extreme self care for yourself you need to master the art of disappointment, saying “no” to people.
If you want to live a life that allows you to be who you are then by saying “no” it opens up opportunities for bigger and better things.
It seems simple right?
So why don’t we say no more often? How many times do we find ourselves committing to things that aren’t really that important and it prevents us from doing something that is really vital to us? I used to be afraid of saying no in the fear of missing out on something but what I was really missing out on was opportunities for self care or opportunities to spend time with friends or family.
I’ve trailed saying no this past two months and to be honest I don’t know what I would have done without it, I guess I’d be seriously burnt out. It’s just not feasible for me at the moment to fit every social event into my already jammed calendar full of commitments that are helping me build my future and to look after myself at the same time. I can’t say it’s been an easy thing to say “no” to people but by explaining my commitments, people seem to understand. A surprising thing has happened though – the fear of missing out has practically vanished. The benefits of much more energy, glowing skin, stable body weight and being happier have far outweighed the missing out.
The second speaker at the Hay House event, financial expert Suze Orman, had a similar view but from a different angle. She said that every “no” leads to a bigger “yes”. She described it as when someone says “no” to you it opens space for bigger and better things to come into your life – when one door closes another opens. She talked about this in terms of money and job opportunities but it can apply to anything. For example, a dinner engagement of mine was cancelled recently. I was looking forward to the dinner and instead of feeling down about it I accepted that it wasn’t supposed to happen and went for a coastal walk instead. Not only did the walk help me relax and de-stress after a busy day at my computer but I also had an amazing insight that helped me get through a problem I’d been having. If I had gone to the dinner then this wouldn’t have happened. A beautiful positive happened as a result of someone else saying no to me.
The power of no is strong. When used wisely is helps you discover what’s more important to you.
It frees up time, protects your energy, creates space for bigger and better things, allows room for creativity to spark, helps to recharge, enables you to dream.
Perhaps you’re struggling for time or energy. Saying “no” to something or someone opens up SPACE for you. It requires discipline to say no and can be uncomfortable. Yes you may miss out on something or hurt someone’s feelings but you need to start putting yourself first to open up the opportunities to come into your life. You will end up getting clarity on what your real priorities are.
Do what’s important first and then everything else comes after that.
Look at where you need to say no in your life to enact self care and create space for bigger and better things. Try and replace the things you should be doing with what makes your heart sing, you’ll be a lot happier because of it.
Please also remember that when others use no on you that it can be a great thing. Has someone said “no” to you today? Did you not get the job or house you really wanted? Did someone cancel an appointment on you? Did that course you want to do fall through? View it as a positive because every knockback leads to even bigger opportunities.
Try using the power of no in your life and allow others to use it on you – prepare for the magic to happen.
Enjoy the new time and space in your life.